Choral Humor

My LW found this neat site of choral humor (http://www.chorus.neu.edu/Choralhumor.htm):


A Concise Guide To The Choir 


In any choir or chorus, there are four voice parts: soprano, alto, tenor, and bass.
There are also various other parts such as baritone, countertenor, contralto, mezzo-soprano, etc., but these terms are mostly used by people who are either soloists, or belong to some excessively hotshot classical a cappella group (this applies especially to countertenors), or are trying to make excuses for not really fitting into any of the regular voice parts, so we will ignore them for now.
Each voice part sings in a different range, and each one has a very different personality. You may ask, "Why should singing different notes make people act differently?" Indeed, this is a mysterious question which has not been adequately studied, especially since scientists who study musicians tend to be musicians themselves and have all the peculiar complexes that go with being tenors, French horn players,tympanists, or whatever.
However, this is beside the point; the fact remains that the four voice parts can be easily distinguished, and I will now explain how.
THE SOPRANOS are the ones who sing the highest, and because of this they think they rule the world. They have longer hair, fancier jewelry, and swishier skirts than anyone else, and they consider themselves insulted if they are not allowed to go at least to a high F in every movement of any given piece. When they reach the high notes, they hold them for at least half again as long as the composer and/or conductor requires, and then complain that their throats are killing them and that the composer and conductor are sadists.
Sopranos have varied attitudes toward the other sections of the chorus, though they consider all of them inferior: The altos are to sopranos rather like second violins to first violins--nice to harmonize with, but not really necessary. All sopranos have a secret feeling that the altos could drop out and the piece would sound essentially the same, and they don't understand why anybody would sing in that range in the first place -- it's so boring.
Sopranos think tenors, on the other hand, can be very nice to have around; besides their flirtation possibilities (it is a well-known fact that sopranos never flirt with basses), sopranos like to sing duets with tenors because all the tenors are doing is working very hard to sing in a low-to-medium soprano range, while the sopranos are up there in the stratosphere showing off.
To sopranos, basses are the scum of the earth -- they sing too damn loud, are useless to tune to because they're down in that low, low range -- and there has to be something wrong with anyone who sings in the F clef, anyway. One curious fact, however, is that although the sopranos swoon while the tenors sing, they still end up going home (and/or to bed) with the basses.
THE ALTOS are the salt of the earth -- in their opinion, at least. Altos are unassuming people who would wear jeans to concerts if they were allowed to. Altos are in a unique position in the chorus in that they are unable to complain about having to sing either very high or very low, and they know that all the other sections think their parts are pitifully easy. But the altos know otherwise. They know that while the sopranos are screeching away on a high A, they are being forced to sing elaborate passages full of sharps and flats and tricks of rhythm, and nobody is noticing because the sopranos are singing too loud (and the basses usually are, too). Altos get a deep, secret pleasure out of conspiring together to tune the sopranos flat.
Altos have an innate distrust of tenors, because the tenors sing in almost the same range and think they sound better. They like the basses, and enjoy singing duets with them -- thebassesjust sound like a rumble anyway, and it's the only time the altos can really be heard. Altos' other complaint is that there are always too many of them and so they never get to sing really loud.
THE TENORS are spoiled. That's all there is to it. For one thing, there are never enough of them, and choir directors would rather sell their souls than let a halfway decent tenor quit, while they're always ready to unload a few sopranos or altos at half price. And then, for some reason, the few tenors there are always seem to be really good -- it's one of those annoying facts of life.
So it's no wonder that tenors always get swollen heads -- after all, who else can make sopranos swoon? The one thing that can make tenors insecure is the accusation (usually by the basses) that anyone singing that high couldn't possibly be a real man. In their usual perverse fashion, the tenors never acknowledge this, but just complain louder about the composer being a sadist and making them sing so damn high.
Tenors have a love-hate relationship with the conductor, too, because the conductor is always telling them to sing louder because there are so few of them. No conductor in recorded history has ever asked for less tenor in a forte passage.
Tenors feel threatened in some way by all the other sections -- the sopranos, because they can hit those incredibly high notes; the altos, because they have no trouble singing the notes the tenors kill themselves for; and the basses because, although they can't sing anything above an E, they sing it loud enough to drown the tenors out. Of course, the tenors would rather die than admit any of this.
It is a little-known fact that tenors move their eyebrows more than anyone else while singing. And it's true what Liszt said: tenors have resonance where their cerebra should be.
THE BASSES sing the lowest of anybody. This basically explains everything. They are solid, dependable people, and have more testosterone and facial hair than anybody else. By the same token, they also tend to baldness more than any of the other parts. The basses feel perpetually unappreciated, but they have a deep conviction that they are actually the most important part (a view endorsed by musicologists, but certainly not by sopranos or tenors), despite the fact that they have the most boring part of anybody and often sing the same note (or in endless fifths) for an entire page. They compensate for this by singing as loudly as they can get away with -- most basses are tuba players at heart.
Basses are the only section that can regularly complain about how low their part is, and they make horrible faces when trying to hit very low notes. Basses are charitable people, but their charity does not extend so far as tenors, whom they consider effete poseurs. Basses hate tuning the tenors more than almost anything else. Basses like altos -- except when they have duets and the altos get the good part.
As for the sopranos, they are simply in an alternate universe which the basses don't understand at all. They can't imagine why anybody would ever want to sing that high and sound that bad when they make mistakes. When a bass makes a mistake, the other three parts will cover him, and he can continue on his merry way, knowing that sometime, somehow, he will end up at the root of the chord.


Of course, I love a Soprano (bass in the above description).  I also liked the lightbulb of the conductor:


Q: How many choral conductors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: No one knows....no one's looking!


Also our group has 2 men who started as Baritones:


Q: What's the dictionary definition of "tenor"?
A: Any baritone who joins a choir that doesn't already have enough tenors.

Spring Concert

This past Sunday at St. Mark's Lutheran Church, the Waukegan Swedish Glee Club and the Waukegan Swedish Women's Chorus held their Spring Concert.

The above video is of one of the combined numbers, Alleluia by Randall Thompson. The Glee Club & Chorus sang as total of 18 songs, both in Swedish and English.

The intermission group was Lekspel, which consisted of an accordion, a violin, and a guitar.  They played various Swedish dances and were very good.

Amy Nelson played a trumpet solo with Jeff Delay on piano, which was excellent.

It was fun to perform, I wish I was better, but at least I try!

Voice 2

Along with the pitch problem, there are 2 staffs; a treble clef and bass clef.  These are right above each other (treble on top).  You might think that they are an octave apart (at least I might think that), but they aren't.  The sopranos use the treble staff but tenors and basses (one of which I usually am) usually use the bottom one, but sometimes we use the top.  To top that off, sometimes we switch during the song!  Plus there are flats and sharps, most times these are hidden in the start of the staffs, but sometimes they put them on individual notes.

Along with dynamics, there is duration.  The left hand picture on the bottom has the note durations in order; whole note, half, quarter, eight, 1/16th. and 1/32nd. notes.  1/16th notes are usually very fast, they are so quick that they are usually gone before I can look at them; this means that I am behind everyone else and it is not that easy (for me) to figure out where I should be in Swedish. To add to the confusion (for me) they sometimes put little dots next to notes to add 1/2 of the duration.  Then there is 4/4, 3/4,2/2,2/4 etc. time which tell (some people) how many notes of what duration per measure.

So I look at the (especially) Swedish word, try to figure out how to pronounce it, then I look at the note (pitch) and try to figure out where that note is (how high or low), then I look at the duration (this process takes some time for me) and the dynamic (they use > and < or cresc or dim or who knows what else to increase or decrease the volume) then go forth with song!

Singing use to be simpler when I knew less!  Just sing along with the majority of people and follow the melody (don't get me started on how easy the sopranos usually have it, they usually sing the melody!). 

It might be hard to recognize from this rant but I really do enjoy singing with the Swedisg Glee Club!

Singing Prequel

WSGC and WSWC Uniforms (date is incorrect should be Dec 2011)

My Lovely Wife(LW) has sang in the various Church choirs and certain other choral organizations for many of the years that we have been married.  She joined our present Church choir when the churches were united into Trinity United Lutheran Church about 20 or so years ago.

She has a lovely voice(which goes with the LW part) and enjoys singing.  About 5 or 6 years ago, I decided to join the choir also. I am not a great singer but I enjoy singing, and our choir director makes it fun.

About 6 years ago, my LW joined the Waukegan Swedish Women's Chorus an offshoot of the Waukegan Swedish Glee Club.  She has sung in an AUSS (American Union of Swedish Singers) National Convention and a regional convention.

This year I decided to try to join the Waukegan Swedish Glee Club (WSGC).  The WSGC sings a little over 50% of the songs in Swedish.  To join the WSGC, you must attend 12 practices and then sing a audition for the Music Committee as a quartet (I sing Baritone so with a Bass, 1st & 2nd Tenors) a song of our own choosing.  I picked It's Grand Night for Singing from State Fair.  I did what I considered a horrible job.  

But for some reason they thought I might have potential and they accepted me.  Since then I have sung at the Salvation Army, at the Julmiddag, at a rest home and then last Friday at the Festival of Music.  I still am not as good of a singer as I hope to be, but I try.

Sunday

It is back to a normal Sunday.  The Trinity United choir is singing again.

We have been off for 2 weeks since the Christmas program on Christmas Eve.  I enjoy singing, I'm not that good at it but I try.  Plus we get to wear choir robes and don't have to worry about what to wear!

Our choir director is Josh, he makes singing fun.  He says after we have practiced a piece "that will be fine";  however, we are not so sure especially me.  It seems at the practices that we sound bad, but during the singing in Church we do sound fine (or even sometimes good)!


All God's Critters Got a Place in the Choir  By Bill Staines
All God's critters got a place in the choir
Some sing low, some sing higher
Some sing out loud on the telephone wire
And some just clap their hands, or paws
Or anything they got.


“I love to hear a choir. I love the humanity to see the faces of real people devoting themselves to a piece of music. I like the teamwork. It makes me feel optimistic about the human race when I see them cooperating like that.”  Paul McCartney


“The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.” Fred Allen


“I wasn't a cheerleader or in the choir. I didn't have loads of friends.” Gwen Stefan


“She marking them begins a wailing note And sings extemporally a woeful ditty; How love makes young men thrall and old men dote; How love is wise in folly, foolish-witty: Her heavy anthem still concludes in woe, And still the choir of echoes answer so” William Shakespeare


“Oh may I join the choir invisible / Of those immortal dead who live again / In minds made better by their presence.” George Eliot